So, I have a riddle for you. What do you get when you put a gray haired and grumpy old construction worker, a Ford Dually SuperDuty Turbo Diesel pickup truck, and a LED light bulb together? Go ahead, take a minute No one expects you to have all of this right at your fingertips. Hell, this isn’t just plain ole’ math, this is in-depth and complex problem solving. I’ll give you a hint, the gray haired and grumpy old construction worker isn’t going to hit anyone with the LED light bulb.
Here’s a little background to help out: this whole situation came about during a conversation among friends at a Memorial Day Crayfish and Shrimp boil where there may or may not have been alcoholic beverages being consumed. You know, it was the kind of gathering where a lot of the world’s problems are solved. Once, I sat and watched a couple of guys solve the Middle East conflict over some hamburgers and beers. It was a diplomatic work of art. Political negotiation at its finest. There was give and take happening all around me. I don’t think even Hillary Clinton could have done better. Let it be known that I was truly proud to just to sit there in the presence of such brilliance. Excuse me for a moment, every time I think back about it…
Ahem. Okay, I’m back, and sorry ’bout that. Anyway, I’ll give you another hint: the gray haired and grumpy old construction worker came up with this whole equation himself-swear to God, no one helped him a bit. So, these folks were sitting around talking about modern technology and how it saves money. For instance, we’re going to get a newer sprinkler controller that saves water at my house. Of course, I’ll have to have a representative from the manufacturer fly in and help me program it. Hell, the last time I tried to set the VCR to the right day of the week the Air Force went on DefCon 1 (look it up, that’s a real thing; I’ve got friends that still have boxes of those ready-to-eat meals stacked up in their garage. Nowadays they just call themselves ‘Preppers’ so they don’t look stupid for having all that stuff, but I know the truth).
Alright, back to the light bulb and the truck. So, the gray haired and grumpy old construction worker tells everyone sitting around the propane fire pit (It wasn’t on. Hell, it’s almost June. You know, it’s just a convenient place for people to sit in a circle without looking stupid) that he replaced a bunch of the light bulbs in his mancave with LED bulbs. He said he has about forty of them shining all over the walls, showing off his stuff, and that he replaces about half of them every year. Finally, this year, he simply couldn’t tolerate this inefficiency any longer so he decided to get rid of those energy wasting halogen light bulbs and replace them with LED light bulbs. So, what did he do? Well, he jumped into his brand new Ford Dually SuperDuty F350 Turbo Diesel pickup and ran into town to the hardware store and bought the bag of LED bulbs.
Okay, I’ve given you all of the pieces to put this together by yourself. You have the gray haired and grumpy old construction worker, the LED light bulbs, and the SuperDuty Turbo Diesel pickup. He took out all of the halogen light bulbs in his mancave and replaced them with LED light bulbs. He accomplished this by driving to town and picking up the bag of light bulbs in his new SuperDuty Turbo Diesel pick up.
Okay, you’re killing me. The answer is that if you put all three of these things together you’ll reduce your carbon footprint! Think about it. If you drive to town in a truck that burns a hundred gallons of diesel fuel just to propel itself down the road in order to pick up a bag of light bulbs that will use a little less electricity to show off all of your stuff on the walls in your mancave, you’ll be an environmental hero, right? I mean, you gotta have a mancave. And, you gotta have stuff on the walls in your mancave. And, you gotta have a SuperDuty Turbo Diesel pickup. So, why not help the baby seals in the Arctic and the speckled pebble minnows in that stream in Nevada by driving your monster truck to the hardware store and buying some light bulbs that use less natural gas generated energy to illuminate all your stuff on your walls. After all, nothing is too much trouble when you’re talking about saving the world by reducing your carbon footprint.
So, there’s the answer to the riddle. I’m sure you’d have put it all together if I’d have given you enough time, but the longer you’re logged onto the internet the more power you’re wasting-and we can’t have that, now can we? In fact, I’m so impressed by this whole thing that I’m seriously considering renting a jet and flying myself to California next week to attend a GreenPeace rally-I mean, we all gotta’ do our part, right?